Jake Gyllenhaal: Desertraker.

I spend too much of my free time controlling pixels to run, jump, shoot and do all manner of things I’d never even begin to attempt in real life, mainly because I’m sat on a sofa eating a small nation’s supply of Pringles, controlling said pixelated character in the latest video game.

So when my other vice, that being cinema, combines with the world of video games and attempts to adapt popular gaming franchises, you’d think I’d rejoice like the sad little fan boy I am. But alas, I simply reach for another tube of Pringles with a faint distained roll of my eyes and return to my fake guns, fake jungles and fake oversized breasts to continue to raid another tomb.

The most recent adaptation is that of the Jake Gyllenhaal vehicle Prince Of Persia: the Sands of Time, but despite my negative outlook on video game adaptations, I actually think this one stands a chance. Having played Prince of Persia, which itself is a remake of a much older game, and having completed it a few times - Yes, a few times, I forewarned you I spend too much time not living a real life - I can say that the visual style of the film and the main aspects of the plot appear relatively loyal to the game.

We have the heroic yet oddly English accented hero, the feisty Arabian Princess, the mystical Sands of Times Dagger and a treacherous looking villain, all pulled together within perilous looking locales as floor collapse and battles are fought. Laying out the plot in this fashion just makes it sound like an odd variation of James Bond; James Bond: Desertraker, but staying loyal to the source material of the computer games and not over complicating the already established formula of its plot can only mean for a more well received film.

Take the Resident Evil movie franchise.
What the hell happened there? Mila Jovovich, you belong in an orange wig, speaking gibberish and following around a badly bleach haired variation of John McClane. You do not belong in a red dress, in a high-tech laboratory, fighting zombies and then for some unknown reason, being cloned in Las Vegas.
Did I just hear an resounding what the hell? echo out across campus from the students among you who are not familiar with these films? Good, because that’s exactly what I thought (and screamed aloud) when watching all the Resident Evil films for the first time.

As a long time fan of the games it was down right traumatising watching one of my favourite past-times, stalking a creepy old mansion while decapitating dead people with a shotgun, getting royally screwed over by Hollywood. The Cold Unthinking Bastards.

I can’t think of a single game adaptation that really stuck with the original plot. It’s a shame as many video games are underrated despite the fact that some of them have a tremendous dose of narrative development and engaging characters, i.e. the epic Final Fantasy series, (unfortunately another series utterly ravaged by a film adaptation…set in Space…barf.)

The Tomb Raider Movie franchise wasn’t terrible, but the film and its sequel had plots that just never managed to reach the epic scale the majority of the games managed to invoke. With the Prince Of Persia adaptation appearing to not steer too far from the games storyline and characters, I have vaguely high hopes.

Mike Newell is helming the project which gives me a faint mix of anticipation diced ever so slightly with a pungent sense of worry. With the likes of Donnie Brasco under his belt he can clearly stir great character development and tremendous performances, but let’s hope Prince of Persia doesn’t turn into another Newell bum-note like that of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, the weakest in the Potter series for me.

So go forth Gyllenhaal! You can raid those tombs and shoot those zombies with the best of them, but please, for my sake, do it off screen and stick to making sand castles in Arabia for now.