Cameron's Balding, Golden Army.

Well, good evening.
As I said this blog will consist of things I have written either for University, such as essays (which will be re-editted for the blog so as not to bore the hell out of you...at least the seminar leaders are getting paid to read my stuff...you however do not. Unlucky,)and for the Student Newspaper.
So here is the first draft of one of my articles which revolves around the much yakked about topic of Avatar...and the impending Oscars. dummmdummmduhdummmmm:

Cameron’s Balding Golden Army. 6/2/10

Another day, another shallow Hollywood franchise announced.

Today I had the fortune of finding out a film adaptation of the old 70s toy, Stretch Armstrong is being developed. Yes you heard, a film based on a toy whose arms you can pull to abnormal lengths.
I’ll be the first in the ticket line.
Further more ‘exciting’ news added to this announcement is that STRETCH ARMSTRONG his name sounds far cooler when in capitals) will be played by Twilight Saga thespian Taylor Lautner. And it will all be in 3D! Huzzah!

One depressing fact after another to be perfectly honest.
Taylor Lautner, in my pretentious film student eyes, has as much charisma and acting ability as a rubber duck floating in a puddle of urine, an image that’s all together far more fascinating than the whole 2 and a bit hours of Twilight: New Moon.

Of course the only thing that really grabs the eye about Stretch Armstrong is the fact that the film will be screened in 3D, and this brought an annoying thought to my mind. This thought being that the fast moving development and evolution of cinema into a 3D digital narrative platform could be damaging cinema just as much as it is apparently improving it.

3D cinema seems to be attacking our eye sockets literally from every angle and it seems to be becoming something of more importance, than say, the cast of the film. As long as the film is in 3D then you don’t need to know the plot because, Hey! The image is jumping out at you, so who cares what it is actually depicting!

It is something that has reared its head recently with the 2010 Golden Globe winners. Avatar swept the awards ceremony with all of James Cameron’s usual “I’m The King Of The World” swagger. Someone please buy the man a crown already and nail the bloody thing to his head just to appease his ego.

It came about that Avatar’s technical wizardry completely out-trumped all the other films on the nominations list, and although the film is an incredible work of special effects, with many people calling it an event rather than just a film, I feel like other films with a far more centred and sophisticated narrative are being ignored because of the - ‘Ohhh look how pretty that blue creature is as she runs along a tree trunk which in fact doesn’t actually exist at all’- factor.
It won Best Drama and Best Director, but special effects aside, did anything really monumental happen during the 3 hour run-time that truly took you by surprise?

Well the answer is yes and no.

Yes Avatar has indeed changed the way some films can be made and revolutionised aspects of special effects, with Spielberg following the same technique as Cameron with his in-progress Tintin adaptation. Avatar then is far from being a full-on negative force upon cinema, but it also means the focus on one of films main components, that being the plot, is not looked at as such an important part of the film-making process.

No matter how entertaining Avatar was, you cannot deny how trivial the narrative was and if the film had not been filmed for the IMAX theatre would it have really received as many awards? No, because the plot can be seen in a handful of other films such as The Last Samurai and Dances With Wolves; a man comes to a foreign land, learns from its people, falls in love with one of them and ultimately, despite being a newbie to the different culture, manages to save the entire foreign people with his amazing Hollywood good looks and his chiselled abs.
Okay, slight exaggeration at the end there but the rest still applies.

However this doesn’t seem to have become that much of an issue to a lot of people, and maybe that’s because the 3D element manages to immerse the viewer within the cinematic experience far more physically than it ever could before. Loincloths of oddly attractive blue creatures flap in the wind as they spin down tree branches around your head, teasing the perverts amongst us (said perverts being all of us), and dragons dive bomb in front of your face just as effectively as the careers of every member of Hearsay have.

Is this 3D effect immersing us in the film more effectively than a sprawling intelligent plot? Well according to the 2010 Golden Globes it is, with Avatar winning Best Motion Picture Drama, beating out tightly scripted films such as Up In The Air and Precious which, it can be argued, pack a far more emotional dramatic punch than Avatar does.

With the Oscars looming ahead (7th March) I can’t help but fret that films such as An Education and The Hurt Locker are doomed to be overlooked as James Cameron comes marching up the stairs to receive a small army of balding golden men as his nailed on crown glints patronisingly in the spotlight.

Maybe I’m being a tad melodramatic, 3D films can co-exist with the rest of the usual produce of cinema, but I just hope in the future 3D doesn’t begin to completely over shadow everything else including clever narratives that don’t accommodate the usual Hollywood fare.

At the end of the day, if stood at the box office in the near future and I’m torn between the choice of seeing 3D extravaganza Stretch Armstrong or 2D epic The Rubber Duck and The Puddle of Urine, I’d have to ultimately go for, The Rubber Duck.


Well, that my friends is the first official film related post! Is that applause I hear from you? No? Well bugger off then.

I've also decided to include another feature, with every post, which fingers crossed will happen every friday. (Apart from this week as I have the other Oscar related article to put up before the Oscars actually screen on sunday.) I will put up a list of the films I have watched this week...because...you know you want to hear about that pointless fact...

But anyways, thank-you for reading! And return, for I promise many more utterly riveting opinionated posts and the occassional secret to the Meaning Of Life. (I've gotta say something to make you actually return.)